It is quite common to hear clients express sentiments such as “I am not good enough”, “I am too scared to try because I am bound to fail”, “I don’t deserve to be happy”, “If I don’t put others first then they will leave me”, “I didn’t try hard enough”, or “others are better than me”. These statements are examples of the inner critic comments. In schema therapy, this inner critic is often referred to as the “punitive” or “demanding” part. The critical voice may have originated from a parent, teacher, relative or any authority figure from your childhood who you felt compelled to listen to.
These phrases can sometimes keep us stuck, preventing us from taking risks, or they can push us to overcompensate to the point where we become workaholics, exhausted and drained. Regardless of the coping mechanism, when we are driven by this inner critic, it negatively impacts our health and relationships, ultimately leading to burnout.
However, there are ways to get “unstuck”. Instead of automatically listening to your inner critic, you can challenge it. Recognize that being human means being imperfect and making mistakes. Failure, while uncomfortable, is also a learning opportunity. We can grow and learn from rejection, and pain is a normal part of the human experience. A life worth living includes ups and downs, failures, successes, and everything in between.
To combat the inner critic, practice self-compassion. Understand that everyone struggles and makes mistakes. Embrace the idea that failure is not a reflection of your worth but rather a stepping stone for growth. By doing so, you can break free from the negative patterns imposed by the inner critic and live a more fulfilling and balanced life.